I do NOT want to HURT anyone. I don't want to be the cause of someone else's pain or reminder. I have really struggled with this, but my own weakness and need for support is causing me to post in spite of these reservations.
I am 8 weeks pregnant and I am terrified. I have an ultrasound scheduled for this Wednesday at 9:00 am. Exactly 1 year ago on the same day, I was blindsided by learning our first baby had no heartbeat. I was 8 weeks then too.
It has been 3.5 months since Henry's death.
I don't think I can take anymore. I know I can if that is what God gives me, but oh, I don't want to have to.
I have been analyzing my morning sickness, and it hasn't been as strong lately which has me terrified about Wed. I don't realize how scared I really am until I break down sobbing.
I had an u/s at 6 weeks and we did see a heartbeat, and I know statistically 95% of pregnancies with a heartbeat go on successfully, but really, what do statistics mean to someone who lost a baby to stillbirth? Someone has to be the 5% right? Numbers mean nothing.
I know God is in control, and His Will will be done. I know He will give me the strength to endure anything, but that doesn't mean I want to experience it.
I am so terrified. I know satan is attacking my peace. Please pray for us and our baby.
8 comments:
I am praying for you right now.
I pray without ceasing for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!If your name is on my mind, I am praying about you and for you. I am happy for you, but I pray that you can mourn for Henry and have hope and some sort of peace for your new baby. I love you!
Consider them sent. I pray that all will be fine and that you will have a healthy and happy 9 months and a healthy baby. I pray that you will have peace, hope, and faith. I pray that all of your dreams will come true. I'm so very happy for you. Please don't feel bad for posting. I sound so egocentric, but I'm afraid I'm one of those you were afraid of hurting. I want you to know that is so not the case. I am thrilled for you, just sad for us that we are not able to celebrate our own joys with you. Congratulations on your precious miracle!
Hugs,
Kahla
I am praying for you. I know you must me scared, but God will bless you with this child. Congratulations on a new life!
Found your blog from Kahla's. Your strength and love for God is uplifting. You have such an amazing story. Many prayers sent your way!
First off CONGRATULATIONS!!! Secondly, I will be praying for you. I know how you feel. I felt this way after losing my twins and then being pregnant with my daughter. I got through it one day at a time. That is all you can do. Again I will be praying!
I am praying for peace for you, and perfect health and protection for your little one.
Congrats and I am praying....
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